I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
