12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think my vagina is haunted
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
