my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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