Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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