chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize