I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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