You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
