Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
