If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
