I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
