his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
