you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
