shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
