I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
