The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well I just put wine in my tea
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
