So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
