Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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