hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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