I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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