Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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