This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
