Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
