I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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