Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
