I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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