So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
