I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
