I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
