FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
