I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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