He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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