It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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