That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
