I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
