he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
