I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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