i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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