Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
