but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
