she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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