At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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