I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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