there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
