I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize