She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
