It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
