I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
