Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
too bad you live with your parents still
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
