My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize