You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
