all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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