she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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