I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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