Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
