Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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