My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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