i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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