then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
