Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
