He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
