She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
