I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
