just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
