He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
