I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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