uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize