i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
