he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
