the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My ass is underappreciated
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
