i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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