I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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