and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
