people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
