like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
