But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
