please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
