I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
