Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
