You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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